Mahogany to Ebony to Charcoal

I've looked into almond eyes surrounded by sesame freckles

I've touched skin the color of cashews which only the finest silk should adorn

I've appreciated a mix of European sophistication and rugged native beauty

But how I love to kiss lips like mine

Lips like plump berries and have your pronounced nose tickle the nape of my neck

As I run my fingers through your kinky hair

Why don't they appreciate the beauty of your skin?

In all shades you are beautiful

From mahogany to ebony to charcoal

Whether in the cover of a coconut tree in Bridgetown

Or the blazing noon sun in Soweto

How I love skin the color of cocoa

Black is beautiful and though I don't discriminate or have preferences

I will always recognize and verbalize the beauty of a color so ostracized

Black, the color of fine leather

Black, the color of licorice

Black, the color of my ancestors

Not into black guys you say

You just mad because you can't handle our exotic features

Don't look at me like a zoo creature

Look into my black eyes and appreciate me, appreciate my ancestry

Realize that beauty has no boundaries

Look past my black skin and get to know me, love me

A Black Sheep's Christmas Song

I won't be home for Christmas this year, or New Year's either

There isn't any room for me

This black sheep has no enclosure

Free to graze where my heart desires

Free to roam till my hooves tire

Like the oak tree, my mother's love was sent awry by the winds of ignorance

Its funny how I can relate to the Christ child, no room for Him as well

A manger for His throne

A shelter for animals as His home

Maybe I can lay beside Him

Maybe for him I can sing

Sing a song of praise and thanksgiving

Thank you God for a love like a pine tree, everlasting through the warmest of summers and persistent through coldest of winters

This black sheep has no enclosure but funny thing, I feel surrounded by His love

Fitness Update

Project Fitness was not as successful as I wanted it to be. I didn’t plan ahead and realize that finals were just around the corner. I became a slave to finals. I had 3 papers to write, several online quizzes, and 4 finals to study for. Thankful, I survived it all but I’m disappointed that I let my fitness goals go to the wayside.

Well I’m not giving up that easy, no no ... I’m making changes. Don’t get my wrong I love my body. I am also familiar with the gym. I already have a membership. Losing weight and toning up for me isn’t so much a superficial thing as its accomplishing a goal. In my mind, I can visualize how I want to look and I want to make that visualization a reality. I need to be able to look at myself every day and know that I can do whatever I put my mind to. So ready or not, ripped and toned here I come

Conversations on Love & Sex

Long Beach Scowlface

Romanian “Ben”

Interior Designer

Big Booty Camacho

Import Export Irishman

Jeff “I like old men”

Buck Tooth Pinoy

Valley Stream Quickie

Coach Slurpie

Rockville Centre Vampire

Nasty Franklin Square Gomba

DL Lace Panties

Little Shitty Bottom

Chelsea Pisces

East Meadow Italian

Above the Golden Krust Boy

Seaford Smut

Central Islip Hot Mess

Matteo

Jun Wang

Dominican Hair Stylist

Yankee Boy

Hewlett Artsy

Manny

Karl the German

Sultry Antique Collector

So if you haven’t guessed already this is a list of men, I have had sexual intercourse with. First and foremost, I am not bragging, I wish I would have done things differently. Many of the guys on this list, weren’t important to me, broke my heart and promised me love in return for sex. Having so many partners was also very risky. I used protection most of the the time, but a condom can't protect you from all STDs. Realizing this I got tested every 4 months and Praise God, I haven't contracted HIV.

When I was complying this list my heart sank, I consistently sold myself short. None of the people on this list deserved me. All of these individuals have a piece of me, pieces that I can’t take back. I also didn't realize how quickly I had accumulated all these notches on my bed post. I didn't love myself enough to do different. I wanted attention and affection and traded sex for maybe 30 minutes of someone's attention.

Whore, Slut and Skank are the words we call people who have slept around. Trust me people who sleep around don’t need your judgement, they need your help. They need to know that they have worth and value. They must come to realize that sex is more than just an exchange of embraces, hickies and body fluids.

Those 26 names don’t define me, I made mistakes but I’m not a mistake. I’m so ready to make right decisions in the future.

Epiphany

Epiphany

Not selling myself short this time, no bargains here

I’m off the auction block, so stop biding

Excuse me! I’m worth more than that

You couldn’t afford this here even if you tried

Somethings are just priceless, please stop insisting.

Yes I’m resisting, I know my worth this time around

Descendant of kings proud and noble

Nourished by the bosom of wisdom so sweet and supple

Mother enlighten me once again

How could I lose myself and play dumb to the truth?

I failed to recognize who I am

I let you and you and you, tell me about myself

You don’t know me, you don’t love me

But then again I don’t know me and sometimes I don’t love me

How could you sell me?

Wisdom speak to me

But then again I’m a human being, so nothing human can be alien to me

Think about that!

I could understand, why you hurt me

I left myself vulnerable

I sold myself so many times, I gave you permission to sell me

I gave my treasures away for soft lips and fingernails grazing my arm

Don’t kiss me, in return for my soul! Don’t tell me what I want to hear!

Lies, I’m tired of them all!! So off this auction block I jump

Deuces assholes! Make sure you watch me walk out of here, because you will never see me again... I’m finally aware

My Pink Friday Was A Loud Dark Twisted Fantasy!!!!

I haven't purchased a physical CD in the longest time. Recently, I brought Loud - Rihanna, My Dark Twisted Fantasy - Kanye West and Pink Friday - Nicki Minaj. Tired of listening to the same songs on the radio, I wanted to hear something different. Some of the things I heard, I liked and somethings I despised.

Loud had it strong points and weak links. I love the rawness of Rihanna's bajan accents. She truly owns the songs when she sings in her native tongue. I don't feel her album was completely cohesive though. I think its important for the songs to tell one collective story. She will have singles and she will top the charts though, because she is Rihanna and she is a force to be reckoned with.

Fave Songs

• Only Girl (In The World)
• Man Down
• S&M
• What's My Name?

Could Do Without

• Cheers (Drink To That)

Kanye West has done it again, he continues to take hip hop to new level. Every song on the album is beautifully composed. The songs also tell a collective story which he illustrates in the video for Runaway. I think everyone can appreciate hard work and the songs sound like hard work. Each song is a work or art which sounds like it was worked on over and over til the desired emotion was achieved. Do I sound biased? I probably am. My Dark Twisted Fantasy is beautiful. His video for Runaway is incredible. Who knew that Hip Hop could be artsy? Thank you Kanye!

Fave Songs

• Dark Fantasy
• Lost In The World
• Blame Game

Could Do Without

• Gorgeous

Nicki the Harajuku Barbie, Nicki Lewinski, Roman Zolanski or what ever you want to call her came short. I was expecting so much more as a fan. She has dropped serious heat on Kanye, Rihanna and Gyptian's albums but fell short on her own album. I loved the songs on Nicki's mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty. The songs were strong and bold and I don't feel that same energy on Pink Friday. Has this bantam lost her fire?

Fave Songs

• Roman's Revenge
• Check it Out
• Save Me

Could Do Without

• Last Chance
• I'm the Best

Project Fitness: Week I

Okay, so eating right and going to the gym consistently is not the easiest thing to do. I must say though, for the first week, I started off strong. Here is what I did:

Sunday - Jump-rope - 20 minutes and Stationery bike - 30 minutes

Monday- Cardio - 30 minutes

Tuesday- Gym w| Alix

Wednesday- Gym w| Gene and Drew

Thursday- Free

Friday- Gym w| Gene and Drew

Tonight- Jump-rope 20 minutes

I love food and that has been the most difficult part of this journey so far. I have a very big sweet tooth and often crave cookies and cake. I also have cravings for salty things. Tortilla chips are one of my preferred snacks. I did have one big 300 calorie cookie at Starbucks and yes I thoroughly enjoyed it! I need to curb my cravings... HELP!

Phases

I’m losing my religion

I think I might worship the moon

I can see it

Though moody and changing

II know it phases

With you God, I feel us drifting

Have I truly experienced you, do I know you?

Do i see you?

Institutions, corruption, hatred, insurrection

Inquisitions, deception, jihad, perceptions

God I love you and now I can say I’ve seen your face through the rain

And I felt your steady hand in the quake

You never let my spirt break

And though I may be moody and changing

You know its a phase and you love me regardless

I may have lost my religion and my denomination

But I don’t want to be slave on a plantation

My God is free and not in a box

So God liberate me

Beyonce Need I Say More

I can't wait for the Beyonce special tonight!

Project Fitness

So I want to lose weight, that is the new area in my life I would like to conquer. Recently through therapy and prayer, I was able to be honest with myself and come to term with my personality and my sexual orientation. I made strides that I thought I would never make in my mental health. With my new found confidence its time to attack the next area in my life. I need to lose 20-40 lbs. My goal from now to January is 10lbs. I'm not going to weigh myself like crazy though, because I know the scale can be deceiving.

So here is the plan: CARDIO - 45 Minutes - 5 out of 7 days

WEIGHT TRAINING - 30 Minutes - 3 out of 7 days

I make this promise to myself and this goes into effect starting November 26, 2010

This picture is ideally what I would like to look like eventually... NoodlesnBeef and I have similar body types, so I think its quite possible.

Visit his Live Journal: noodlesandbeef.livejournal.com

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

The Lovers' Kaleidoscope

Darkness has fallen on Wetherole

Love in prism, united yet fractured

Dynamic and bold, yet simple and subtle

Lover #1: Afraid of four letter words and such, he swallows his pride like his peach schnapps, hairy legs dressed in red "coochie cutters"

He ponders, Around the fire or through the fire

which path will he take?

Attention shifts, the seducing smell of lust enters the air

Lover #2: Biting his bottom lip, everyone knows his intentions, will he succeed in his mission to divide and conquer, will the neighbors know his name?

"Don't f&ck with me!" Lover #3 states boldly

"I'm not one to be f%cked with"

This writer intervenes and Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" complements this moment perfectly

Lover #3: Waits sadly; confused and innocent, who shall he give his heart to?

Lovers in a prism

Fractured yet united

This writer caught in a kaleidoscope of emotions

Love, live and in color

Tree

There is something about the autumn chill that that makes the world seem heartless and ugly

Though the natural beauty is vanishing and going dormant, your beauty still remains before me

I can't help but enthralled by your beauty, I never noticed you before

Yet you were right under my nose

Looking at you, I see a beautiful child of God, mysterious, sometimes devilish, gentle, loving...

Mahogany skin, soft like crushed velvet yet rugged and still strong...the masculine and feminine intertwined so perfectly

Eyes so black, the viewer get lost your persona, your aura

Lips like to purple plums, forbidden fruit

Growth occurring, your feet are deeply rooted in the soft mud of truth and the rains of introspection have made your branches strong and tall

Though the autumn chill has brought frost to your limbs your nature remains the same

Looking at the reflecting pool, I can't help but be enchanted by you

Dancing Lotus

Like a bengal tiger, sly and sleek, I hide from you

What a pleasure it is to watch you in your element

Smiling, Grinning, coy like a geisha yet boisterous like a tabla

I can't deny that my heart goes pitter patter every time I see you

Like a lotus flower in river of complacency

You are prize to behold, a fitting gift for a deva

When will you notice me and invite me to dance

Where I Am From inspired by George Ella Lyon

I am from the pestle and motar, from Lawry's seasoning and Maggi cubes

I am from the smell of mothballs and sound of crackling candle wicks.

I am from the sunflower, the leaf of fresh picked mint

I am from midnight masses and ignorance, from Etienne and Bordes and Pierre

I am from the gossips and the spiteful.

From big boys don't cry and be a man.

I am from a mixture of African traditions lost in the mystery of Catholicism.

I'm from the crossroads of Queens and Haiti, griot avec du riz collee

From the crowds lost in translation , the drunks who get stones thrown at them, and the Schizoprenic uncle.

I am from a torn album underneath my former bed, so big and filled with memories I chose to leave behind.

Pretty Poison

Arsenic. Anthrax. Botulinum. Sarin. Racin.

They should add your name to the list. You don't go down easy.

I can feel my limbs go weak with a taste of you. I can feel my temperature rise with the thought of you. You infected every crevice of my being. Slowly killing me. Destroying me.

Why are you such a menace? I can't resist your strength or power. I have no choice but to submit under your poison.

Reluctant Freedom Fighter

Today is Independence Day. You didn't kick me out, you liberated me. I saw you staring me down in the corner, I didn't think you were going to talk but you did. I felt your eyes on my back and I saw the shock on your face, Mom. You wanted war. Those words echo in my head resoundingly. I remember when I was younger how the sight of you in tears would move to tears also. I saw the agony on face and I felt sorry for you.

You thought if you told my friends "my secret," they would leave me. They already knew "my secret." My friends are more loyal, that you will ever be. How evil were you that day? You seemed almost possessed by the spirit of Mars. Your bigotry put you in a trance. You were so mesmerized that you forgot I was your boy, your pride and joy. In that moment you made me feel like the scum beneath your shoe.

I will never forget your "well wishes" upon my depart. "No one will ever love you faggot." Then doors of my childhood home closed. Carrying my box of possessions, my legs felt weak, my soul distressed but my spirt free. I crashed to the ground. My knees hit the rough asphalt. Then I remember that my life was not over, but I had only started a new chapter in my life. I emerged from my fall ready for the what lay ahead.

Yesterday was Independence Day and though I was a reluctant freedom fighter at first. I tasted victory...yesterday.

For All The Lovers...

Pay it Forward!

I am fragile, an emotional wreck, don't say I didn't warn you!

Look at me the wrong way and I shatter

I am intense, a seraphic burst of energy, can you handle me?

When I am happy, I'm exuberant, when I am upset, its tragic

I am cynical, I don't think I believe in love anymore, prove me wrong

Make me believe again

See through my flaws, my weakness and my shortcomings, give me a chance

All I want is your attention, to be noticed, to feel the same love that I give you

Pay it forward

I must become unbreakable, no longer in shambles

I long to be able to look at you the same way you look at me

I feel those cold eyes staring at me constantly

I don't want to be broken, because you don't love me

I don't want to feel lost, becasue you deserted me

I long to find my strength

Strength to live for me

If I search, I will find within all the strength I will ever need to begin to love myself

And begin to pay that love forward, to my poor soul

What is Love?

Dear Journal,

"I write about love and such...Maybe 'cause I want it so much" Brandon Heath

So it's time to be vulnerable and bare my soul. A soul that is very much at war... The was rages on between pride and humility, lust and love and despair and faithfulness. Will my soul be captured by the enemy or will I be liberated?

I've been searching for love in all the wrong places. As cliches as it sounds, I feel like I looked for love in garbage cans and dumpsters. Sometimes I even "sold" myself, to get it. Yea...I pretty much sold my soul, to the devil for something that I already have access to. I've been a sucker for kisses, hugs and embraces thinking that was love. I've been on retreats and I consider myself to be a faithful person, but now I'm lost. I remember sitting at church, longing for love, failing to realize it was right in front of me. Still, I craved something physical. The war continues to rage on. Who will be my conqueror "Love" or lust? I would love to say "Love" but I got to keep it real, I don't know. I need to get reacquainted with true "Love." I need "Love" to reveal itself to me. I need to love myself. I need to realize that there is no substitute for "Love."

Still Here

I deleted your pictures from my phone today, because I don't want to remind myself of what could of have been

How could you come in like a hurricane and leave without a trace?

The pictures are now gone, but your green button earrings will remain in my memory, till I meet the next flavor of the week

How could you touch me with your hands and lips, then leave me destitute without a sign or notice, oh well you weren't that cute anyway

Unbeknowst to you, you taught me a valuable lesson...that nothing is guarenteed

Looking back I'm glad I deleted your pictures from my phone, why would I want to remind myself of something that could never be?

You see, you lacked the sense and sensibility to see that I'm a catch

Damn right, I'm hot stuff and if you don't see that you need to report to the Helen Keller School for the Blind

I don't know what you see, but I know what I see

I see strength like Hercules, wisdom beyond my years and a smile that says I've been through Hell but I'm still here, I'm STILL here

ABYSS

I snorted my last line of coke

I drink my last bottle of Jack

And I had my last taste of forbidden fruit both wild and tame

In a search for my soulmate I forgot the state of my soul

And here I sit on this dark desolate beach looking into the abyss

Empty longing for someone to fullfill me

Longing for fulfillment

What will fill the abyss of my soul?

Goodbye January

They want me to write something happy, but how can you write about sunshine, birds and rainbows, when none of that exist in the dead of this winter. Nature is dead for the moment and honestly, I am too. Just a shell of myself remains, lifeless and dead. Only the cool icy wind, the spirit of change during this season of expiry, moves me across the dry, parched land. If you want me to write something happy, make the barren earth green and make the sunrise bright like the days of my youth, those are the only things which will make my heart light. For now I will settle for melancholy and this rich cocoa.

This Goes Out To The Heartbreakers...

This goes out to the heartbreakers, the spirit takers, the liars and the cheaters

I can't listen to what you say

Your words are slicker then olive oil

And I don't want to slip into your trap, because I know your words will devour me

I wanted you to regret the day that you left me, but in all honesty I regret the day I sight eyes on you

I gave you access to my treasures, which you didn't deserve to set your little beady eyes on...

But you live, you learn and most importantly you don't forget

And trust me I won't forget.

And just remember the universe has a funny way of working...