Pay it Forward!

I am fragile, an emotional wreck, don't say I didn't warn you!

Look at me the wrong way and I shatter

I am intense, a seraphic burst of energy, can you handle me?

When I am happy, I'm exuberant, when I am upset, its tragic

I am cynical, I don't think I believe in love anymore, prove me wrong

Make me believe again

See through my flaws, my weakness and my shortcomings, give me a chance

All I want is your attention, to be noticed, to feel the same love that I give you

Pay it forward

I must become unbreakable, no longer in shambles

I long to be able to look at you the same way you look at me

I feel those cold eyes staring at me constantly

I don't want to be broken, because you don't love me

I don't want to feel lost, becasue you deserted me

I long to find my strength

Strength to live for me

If I search, I will find within all the strength I will ever need to begin to love myself

And begin to pay that love forward, to my poor soul

What is Love?

Dear Journal,

"I write about love and such...Maybe 'cause I want it so much" Brandon Heath

So it's time to be vulnerable and bare my soul. A soul that is very much at war... The was rages on between pride and humility, lust and love and despair and faithfulness. Will my soul be captured by the enemy or will I be liberated?

I've been searching for love in all the wrong places. As cliches as it sounds, I feel like I looked for love in garbage cans and dumpsters. Sometimes I even "sold" myself, to get it. Yea...I pretty much sold my soul, to the devil for something that I already have access to. I've been a sucker for kisses, hugs and embraces thinking that was love. I've been on retreats and I consider myself to be a faithful person, but now I'm lost. I remember sitting at church, longing for love, failing to realize it was right in front of me. Still, I craved something physical. The war continues to rage on. Who will be my conqueror "Love" or lust? I would love to say "Love" but I got to keep it real, I don't know. I need to get reacquainted with true "Love." I need "Love" to reveal itself to me. I need to love myself. I need to realize that there is no substitute for "Love."