Last night's reading really touched me and relieved the pain on my heart. I was really upset and fustrated. Why do I have to have this thorn in my side? Why do I have to deal with this particular issue. Sometimes I wish I had every other "affliction", than this one.
Then when the lady with the loud makeup stepped up on the podium and the words rolled off her ruby red lips, something rattled deep within my soul. Jesus came to take up the "yoke that burdened" me. If I only surrender and humbly admit my failings, things will get better. What I need is "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to know the difference." God has allowed me to go through these struggles for a purpose. There are so many people who if put in my position could have drank and smoked poision to kill themselves softly. There are others who could have really mutilated themselves. There are even some who would've chosen death by self. I am a survivor. I am no better than my brothers and sister who chose those options. God knows many of those options have crossed my mind. God has given me the grace to be tenacious. The strength to hang in there. The courage to dare to be different. I am a mess. I don't have it together. Somedays are easier then others, but I am happy to be here. And I thankful for "my affliction", it is my gift and my curse. Without it I feel my life may have taken a completely different course and I probably would have never met the people who I have fallen in love with (friends) or have come to know God the way that I know him. And I know things will get better if I work hard and I pray.
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