Insecurity Causes An Unrestful Soul

Jacques Etienne

I'm tried of ppl's judgment. Everyone believes they know how I should live my life. Handle your scandal, I'll handle mine #aggy

about an hour ago via Twitter · · · ·@Kwame_Preston87 on Twitter


This past week I felt like I had to constantly prove my Christianity to others and I constantly felt judgement from friends with good intentions. Looking inside, I realized I was insecure and mad that everyone was pointing out my insecurity. I haven't been praying much and I haven't attended church in awhile. Then when I turned to others for advice, I felt they viewed me as a heathen instead of a child of God (which probably wasn't the case at all).

I need to work on achieving that personal relationship, my relationship with God doesn't depend on others opinions. God will not forsake me. Its funny because I felt Him so much this summer, right when my parents disowned me and He opened so many doors. He could've abandoned me because I was same gender loving, but he didn't. He could of let me self-destruct while I was defining who I was without outside influence, but he gave me that space. I need to trust and find security in Him and no one else.

God loves me regardless of my orientation and I have nothing to prove. I just need to work on our relationship. I need to call him more (prayer) and go on some dates (church). Yes, a relationship with God is like every other relationship, got to put in work!

Thank you God for revealing to me how much I need you!

My Own Voice, My Own Terms

They tell me: Be quiet! Shut up! Your opinions are obsolete

What you want is not concrete

I think: Pampered and primped! You constantly referred to me as a prince

Yea that's what I am

A prince with no voice

How I wanted to be a pauper rather, To run barefoot through the soft mud

But I couldn't pay the price of abdication.

Voiceless and needing to make a statement I broke my crown.

Filled with expectations I know I let you down

I am nothing but a court jester, a clown

Everyone laughs when the clown takes a tumble

A fall from grace, the family's disgrace!

I'm revealing too much I should be quiet and shut up, my opinions are obsolete

I don't trust my myself... what is concrete?

All I know, is that some should tell Ms. Angelou that this caged bird can't sing

His cries unheard

Silence is preferred

A small boy cries also

His screams go on deaf ears

Giggles are seldom heard

Is he mute?

Stripped of individuality, forced to be a shell

Taught and taunted

Taught to stick to the status quo

Taunted for being different

Like E-40 waiting for someone to tell him when to go

So a prince without a crown, a caged bird with no song and a child with no joy

I was all of these...

But now I have chosen to take my freedom

The winds of liberty flow through my lungs creating a sound so harmonious

A sound so bold, a sound that represents me! My own voice, I discovered it!

Finally I can tell them: I'm living on my own terms!