Mahogany to Ebony to Charcoal

I've looked into almond eyes surrounded by sesame freckles

I've touched skin the color of cashews which only the finest silk should adorn

I've appreciated a mix of European sophistication and rugged native beauty

But how I love to kiss lips like mine

Lips like plump berries and have your pronounced nose tickle the nape of my neck

As I run my fingers through your kinky hair

Why don't they appreciate the beauty of your skin?

In all shades you are beautiful

From mahogany to ebony to charcoal

Whether in the cover of a coconut tree in Bridgetown

Or the blazing noon sun in Soweto

How I love skin the color of cocoa

Black is beautiful and though I don't discriminate or have preferences

I will always recognize and verbalize the beauty of a color so ostracized

Black, the color of fine leather

Black, the color of licorice

Black, the color of my ancestors

Not into black guys you say

You just mad because you can't handle our exotic features

Don't look at me like a zoo creature

Look into my black eyes and appreciate me, appreciate my ancestry

Realize that beauty has no boundaries

Look past my black skin and get to know me, love me

A Black Sheep's Christmas Song

I won't be home for Christmas this year, or New Year's either

There isn't any room for me

This black sheep has no enclosure

Free to graze where my heart desires

Free to roam till my hooves tire

Like the oak tree, my mother's love was sent awry by the winds of ignorance

Its funny how I can relate to the Christ child, no room for Him as well

A manger for His throne

A shelter for animals as His home

Maybe I can lay beside Him

Maybe for him I can sing

Sing a song of praise and thanksgiving

Thank you God for a love like a pine tree, everlasting through the warmest of summers and persistent through coldest of winters

This black sheep has no enclosure but funny thing, I feel surrounded by His love

Fitness Update

Project Fitness was not as successful as I wanted it to be. I didn’t plan ahead and realize that finals were just around the corner. I became a slave to finals. I had 3 papers to write, several online quizzes, and 4 finals to study for. Thankful, I survived it all but I’m disappointed that I let my fitness goals go to the wayside.

Well I’m not giving up that easy, no no ... I’m making changes. Don’t get my wrong I love my body. I am also familiar with the gym. I already have a membership. Losing weight and toning up for me isn’t so much a superficial thing as its accomplishing a goal. In my mind, I can visualize how I want to look and I want to make that visualization a reality. I need to be able to look at myself every day and know that I can do whatever I put my mind to. So ready or not, ripped and toned here I come

Conversations on Love & Sex

Long Beach Scowlface

Romanian “Ben”

Interior Designer

Big Booty Camacho

Import Export Irishman

Jeff “I like old men”

Buck Tooth Pinoy

Valley Stream Quickie

Coach Slurpie

Rockville Centre Vampire

Nasty Franklin Square Gomba

DL Lace Panties

Little Shitty Bottom

Chelsea Pisces

East Meadow Italian

Above the Golden Krust Boy

Seaford Smut

Central Islip Hot Mess

Matteo

Jun Wang

Dominican Hair Stylist

Yankee Boy

Hewlett Artsy

Manny

Karl the German

Sultry Antique Collector

So if you haven’t guessed already this is a list of men, I have had sexual intercourse with. First and foremost, I am not bragging, I wish I would have done things differently. Many of the guys on this list, weren’t important to me, broke my heart and promised me love in return for sex. Having so many partners was also very risky. I used protection most of the the time, but a condom can't protect you from all STDs. Realizing this I got tested every 4 months and Praise God, I haven't contracted HIV.

When I was complying this list my heart sank, I consistently sold myself short. None of the people on this list deserved me. All of these individuals have a piece of me, pieces that I can’t take back. I also didn't realize how quickly I had accumulated all these notches on my bed post. I didn't love myself enough to do different. I wanted attention and affection and traded sex for maybe 30 minutes of someone's attention.

Whore, Slut and Skank are the words we call people who have slept around. Trust me people who sleep around don’t need your judgement, they need your help. They need to know that they have worth and value. They must come to realize that sex is more than just an exchange of embraces, hickies and body fluids.

Those 26 names don’t define me, I made mistakes but I’m not a mistake. I’m so ready to make right decisions in the future.

Epiphany

Epiphany

Not selling myself short this time, no bargains here

I’m off the auction block, so stop biding

Excuse me! I’m worth more than that

You couldn’t afford this here even if you tried

Somethings are just priceless, please stop insisting.

Yes I’m resisting, I know my worth this time around

Descendant of kings proud and noble

Nourished by the bosom of wisdom so sweet and supple

Mother enlighten me once again

How could I lose myself and play dumb to the truth?

I failed to recognize who I am

I let you and you and you, tell me about myself

You don’t know me, you don’t love me

But then again I don’t know me and sometimes I don’t love me

How could you sell me?

Wisdom speak to me

But then again I’m a human being, so nothing human can be alien to me

Think about that!

I could understand, why you hurt me

I left myself vulnerable

I sold myself so many times, I gave you permission to sell me

I gave my treasures away for soft lips and fingernails grazing my arm

Don’t kiss me, in return for my soul! Don’t tell me what I want to hear!

Lies, I’m tired of them all!! So off this auction block I jump

Deuces assholes! Make sure you watch me walk out of here, because you will never see me again... I’m finally aware

My Pink Friday Was A Loud Dark Twisted Fantasy!!!!

I haven't purchased a physical CD in the longest time. Recently, I brought Loud - Rihanna, My Dark Twisted Fantasy - Kanye West and Pink Friday - Nicki Minaj. Tired of listening to the same songs on the radio, I wanted to hear something different. Some of the things I heard, I liked and somethings I despised.

Loud had it strong points and weak links. I love the rawness of Rihanna's bajan accents. She truly owns the songs when she sings in her native tongue. I don't feel her album was completely cohesive though. I think its important for the songs to tell one collective story. She will have singles and she will top the charts though, because she is Rihanna and she is a force to be reckoned with.

Fave Songs

• Only Girl (In The World)
• Man Down
• S&M
• What's My Name?

Could Do Without

• Cheers (Drink To That)

Kanye West has done it again, he continues to take hip hop to new level. Every song on the album is beautifully composed. The songs also tell a collective story which he illustrates in the video for Runaway. I think everyone can appreciate hard work and the songs sound like hard work. Each song is a work or art which sounds like it was worked on over and over til the desired emotion was achieved. Do I sound biased? I probably am. My Dark Twisted Fantasy is beautiful. His video for Runaway is incredible. Who knew that Hip Hop could be artsy? Thank you Kanye!

Fave Songs

• Dark Fantasy
• Lost In The World
• Blame Game

Could Do Without

• Gorgeous

Nicki the Harajuku Barbie, Nicki Lewinski, Roman Zolanski or what ever you want to call her came short. I was expecting so much more as a fan. She has dropped serious heat on Kanye, Rihanna and Gyptian's albums but fell short on her own album. I loved the songs on Nicki's mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty. The songs were strong and bold and I don't feel that same energy on Pink Friday. Has this bantam lost her fire?

Fave Songs

• Roman's Revenge
• Check it Out
• Save Me

Could Do Without

• Last Chance
• I'm the Best

Project Fitness: Week I

Okay, so eating right and going to the gym consistently is not the easiest thing to do. I must say though, for the first week, I started off strong. Here is what I did:

Sunday - Jump-rope - 20 minutes and Stationery bike - 30 minutes

Monday- Cardio - 30 minutes

Tuesday- Gym w| Alix

Wednesday- Gym w| Gene and Drew

Thursday- Free

Friday- Gym w| Gene and Drew

Tonight- Jump-rope 20 minutes

I love food and that has been the most difficult part of this journey so far. I have a very big sweet tooth and often crave cookies and cake. I also have cravings for salty things. Tortilla chips are one of my preferred snacks. I did have one big 300 calorie cookie at Starbucks and yes I thoroughly enjoyed it! I need to curb my cravings... HELP!